Last night “Parks and Recreation” star Aziz Ansari hosted the 2010 MTV Movie Awards, an annual reminder that quality doesn’t matter in mainstream Hollywood as long as you have sexy stars and wacky stunts. 16.4 million people watched Twilight sweep the show this year, so yay ratings.

The night was punctuated by multiple lip locks, numerous bleeps (100+ f*cking curses), and a few awkwardly sincere acceptance speeches from people who may not have realized they were handed a golden bucket of popcorn.

Ansari fared better than his host predecessors, opening with a monologue that fired shots at 3D, Avatar, and the Twilight saga with a fresh batch of material.  Take a look:

Also his Kanye West impression/tribute to Avatar was pretty damn funny.

Tom Cruise also appeared on stage in his Les Grossman get-up, stealing more time from the host with a 2-year-old bit that’s fading fast and a dance number with a Jennifer Lopez, who has faded from the spotlight so much I was expecting a Back to the Future moment.

But that wasn’t really the highlight.  After taking on Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner individually to promote the show, Cruise and his fat suit tag-teamed the duo in this amusing clip.  Wait, that didn’t come out right…

Pattinson and Kristen Stewart won “Best Kiss” for New Moon (of course), which turned into an uncomfortable, poorly-acted setup where they would smooch on stage. He wound up just mauling her, really. But that kiss was upstaged by Sandra Bullock’s acceptance speech for the “Generation Award” where she planted one on Scarlett Johansson.

Finally, then I’ll get to the list of winners, usually there are celebrities who get a little too emotional with their MTV cheap trophy and 2010 was no exception. Tom Felton from Harry Potter was interrupted (appropriately) by the curses of Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell. Then Ken Jeong won for “Best WTF Moment” for scampering from a trunk nude in The Hangover, but somehow topped those “what the f*cks” by simulating masturbation then mentioning his tiny penis and his girlfriend’s victory over cancer in the same speech.

Here are all the winners, but if you’re digging the whole video montage you can watch every acceptance speech on MTV.com.

Best Kiss
Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning – ‘The Runaways’
WINNER: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson – ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’
Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds – ‘The Proposal’
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner – ‘Valentine’s Day’
Zoe Saldana and Sam Worthington – ‘Avatar’

Best Fight
WINNER: Beyoncé Knowles vs. Ali Larter – ‘Obsessed’
Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber vs. Ryan Reynolds – ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’
Logan Lerman vs. Jake Abel – ‘Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightning Thief’
Robert Downey Jr. vs. Mark Strong – ‘Sherlock Holmes’
Sam Worthington vs. Stephen Lang – ‘Avatar’

Best Villain
Christoph Waltz – ‘Inglourious Basterds’
Helena Bonham Carter – ‘Alice In Wonderland’
Ken Jeong – ‘The Hangover’
Stephen Lang – ‘Avatar’
WINNER: Tom Felton – ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’

Best WTF Moment
Betty White – ‘The Proposal’
Bill Murray – ‘Zombieland’
Isabel Lucas – ‘Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen’
WINNER: Ken Jeong – ‘The Hangover’
Megan Fox – ‘Jennifer’s Body’

Biggest Badass Star
Angelina Jolie
Channing Tatum
Chris Pine
WINNER: Rain
Sam Worthington

Best Scared-As-S**t Performance
Alison Lohman – ‘Drag Me to Hell’
WINNER: Amanda Seyfried – ‘Jennifer’s Body’
Jesse Eisenberg – ‘Zombieland’
Katie Featherston – ‘Paranormal Activity’
Sharlto Copley – ‘District 9′

Best Breakout Star
WINNER: Anna Kendrick – ‘Up in the Air’
Chris Pine – ‘Star Trek’
Gabourey Sidibe – ‘Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire’
Logan Lerman – ‘Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightning Thief’
Quinton Aaron – ‘The Blind Side’
Zach Galifianakis – ‘The Hangover’

Best Female Performance
Amanda Seyfried – ‘Dear John’
Emma Watson – ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’
WINNER: Kristen Stewart – ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’
Sandra Bullock – ‘The Blind Side’
Zoe Saldana – ‘Avatar’

Best Male Performance
Channing Tatum – ‘Dear John’
Daniel Radcliffe – ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’
WINNER: Robert Pattinson – ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’
Taylor Lautner – ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’
Zac Efron – ‘17 Again’

Best Comedic Performance
Ben Stiller – ‘Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian’
Bradley Cooper – ‘The Hangover’
Ryan Reynolds – ‘The Proposal’
Sandra Bullock – ‘The Proposal’
WINNER: Zach Galifianakis – ‘The Hangover’

Global Superstar
Daniel Radcliffe
Johnny Depp
Kristen Stewart
WINNER: Robert Pattinson
Taylor Lautner

Best Movie
‘Alice In Wonderland’
‘Avatar’
‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’
‘The Hangover’
WINNER: ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’