This weekend was an embarrassment for American cinema. The number one movie in the country is a spoof of other movies, and a really bad one at that. The second place finisher is the fourth movie where Rambo kills a buncha guys.

Meet the Spartans has 5% positive reviews so far (it will likely get worse when more are added) but it made $18.7 million, which says plenty about what people find entertaining across the country. I’ll have my review up for that soon, and it’s not going to be pretty. The weekend opening is about the same as Epic Movie this time last year from the same lazy pretend filmmakers.

The number is also good enough to beat a fourth Rambo movie, which made $18.2 million. In case you haven’t seen it, that’s about a dollar for every death in the movie.

Cloverfield fell a disastrous 68% from last weekend, terrorizing up a $12.7 million and a cume of $64.3 million. 27 Dresses, however, only dropped 41%, which put it above the thriller and into third place with $13.6 million.

Other new openers didn’t fare so well. Untraceable only managed $11.2 million, but at least it finished in the top five. How She Move break danced its way to twelfth place with $4.2 million.

But 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days had the largest per theater average on its two screens, each making about $24k.

Meanwhile, Juno slipped past the $100 million total mark, still hanging around in its eighth week after four Academy Award nominations. There Will Be Blood is also making its first appearance on the top 10 after five weeks, thanks to a little help from a “Best Picture” Oscar nomination (and seven others). Another nominee, Michael Clayton, was re-released into about 1,100 theaters and made another $2 million for a total of $41.5 million.

Here is your parody of what a good box office chart would look like:
1. Meet the Spartans $18.7 million
2. Rambo $18.2 million
3. 27 Dresses $13.6 million
4. Cloverfield $12.7 million
5. Untraceable $11.2 million
6. Juno $10.3 million
7. The Bucket List $10.2 million
8. There Will Be Blood $4.9 million
9. National Treasure: Book of Secrets $4.7 million
10. Mad Money $4.6 million

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