No, not the late night host. He’s already back and sporting the strike beard. I’m talking about the other Conan. Conan The Barbarian.
Variety reported last week that Lionsgate has struck a deal for distribution rights for a new Conan the Barbarian story. The new film series will be created by Nu Image/Millennium, who owns the rights to the character. They’re currently trying to work on a similar interim strike deal with the WGA as United Artists and the Weinstein Company.
Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer, the guys behind the epic failure that was Sahara, have been hired to write a script. Production is scheduled to begin this fall with an estimated budget of around $100 million, but will naturally be affected by the writers strike if no deal is met.
Avi Lerner, chief of Nu Image/Millennium, seems to think the best way to make a pact with them is to criticize their cause. “It’s a possibility, though I haven’t studied it enough to make a final decision. The whole strike is stupid, in my opinion. They approached us, indirectly, to make some kind of deal, and we are looking at it.” (Lerner is pictured on the right.)
Look at this guy. He’s the man helping resurrect this warrior? He looks like he just signed the Declaration of Independence after a long night of being punched in the eyes.
But 300 re-opened the door for sword and sandal epics, so here we are back at one of the originals.
Of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger won’t be returning because he’s a serious politician now. Oh, and his skin looks like it’s trying to form a puddle of wrinkles at his feet. But now that Conan and Terminator are getting new additions, I think it might be time to see that Last Action Hero sequel everyone has been waiting for.
Conan purists are outraged that their B-movie epics from the early 80’s are being amended. I personally don’t care at all. I don’t remember much about Conan because I haven’t seen the movies since Arnold was relevant, but I do recall a shirtless man walking around carrying a sword. If that’s the case, then I re-enact these movies every time I get drunk.
Besides me, who else could play Conan?
I say cast one of the new American Gladiators. The TV and movie resurrections are both awful ideas, so why not just combine them? How about Titan, the guy who looks like a live-action “Hercules” cartoon? Or Tor, who just grunts a lot (like Arnold in Conan)? My vote is Hellga.