Here are the top five most overrated movies of 2007. For one reason or another, these movies got way too much attention and undeserved praise. I’ll simply remind you that they’re awful.
5. Grindhouse – It takes a special film to be overrated after absolutely tanking at the box office, but Grindhouse found a way to do it. I like Tarantino and Rodriguez, but this self-congratulatory project wasn’t really thought through. “Listen guys, we’ll make a tribute to bad movies by making new bad movies ourselves! Aren’t we great?” Maybe spend more time writing actual story lines instead of inane dialogue and a page that reads, “Insert really long car chase scene here.” Making a film and then artificially aging it is dumb. But cutting out random scenes to be wacky is just plain annoying. This reminds of when I wrote a paper for high school English and then burned the edges to make it look like parchment. I slapped that thing together in Microsoft Word the night before and then singed it like I discovered it in a dusty chest somewhere in a land that preserves homework assignments. I got an A because I never had an English teacher who had any idea what she was doing. Anyway, placed fifth because I appreciate the attempt to do something different in cinema.
4. Bee Movie – Most over-hyped piece of garbage this year. You couldn’t go anywhere without seeing Seinfeld’s smug face plugging this awful movie. Then he did a commercial with only his hands, just to prove a point. Mars Attacks is the last movie I can think of with this much talent on board and absolutely nothing of value to come out of it. Seinfeld spent seven years writing this? Maybe he should have had Larry David look it over. Then we might have gotten more than just 90 minutes of bee puns.
3. Spider-Man 3 – This one is pretty much a no brainer, in more ways than one. I don’t really know anyone who actually liked this movie, but it was the number one grossing movie of the year, making over $890 million worldwide in theaters. It wasn’t just disappointing because it was a gigantic drop off from a great sequel, but Spiderman was a franchise that showed a lot of potential. Too many producers putting their two cents in and you get Tobey Maguire strutting down the street with emo hair pointing his fingers like a gun at women. And somehow they manage to introduce and then get rid of Venom all in the last twenty minutes, when he should have had an entire film to battle Spidey. What a total mess.
2. Sicko – I know it’s trendy to be anti Michael Moore. But I genuinely enjoyed all of his other films. However, now I’m tired of Michael Moore’s stunts. The guy doesn’t know how to just make a film and let the material speak for itself. Instead he has to grandstand and tour around stirring up everyone with a lot of false outrage. I didn’t feel like this film actually presented anything of value. It was mostly just Moore walking around in other countries and saying, “They don’t pay for health care here either!” We get it, fatty. The health care system in the United States is broken. We’ve known that for years. The film isn’t as “important” as every other critic seems to think it is. What is important are the political discussions going on about it now for the election in eleven months. Oh and before I get an email, Sicko had nothing to do with that.
1. Transformers – If I hear one more ignorant asshole who saw five movies this year say this is the greatest movie, I might blow up things Michael Bay style. This movie is as dumb as its fanbase. Giant robots running around on screen trying to distract you from realizing the plot is mind-numbingly bad. The special effects weren’t even that great. Bay and friends didn’t spend enough money to make things look crisp, so they just shook the camera around during any action. I’m sure if you could see what was going on it would kick so much ass, right Jock #48029? Then there’s the cliche story where the geek gets the amazingly hot girl. Uh huh. When the robot pissed on John Turturro, I was done. Then I had to sit through another 30 minutes. I think I lost IQ points watching this movie.
“Top 5 Underrated Movies” tomorrow.