Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem Review

Aliens-vs-Predator-Requiem

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Rating:
1
On December 30, 2007
Last modified:October 3, 2017

Summary:

Some idea of who these people are and what is going on might have lent to a little suspense. Maybe even a few legitimate scares. I was actually nodding off during a few parts. I’ve been more scared getting up and stumbling through the dark to take a dump. Next time I’ll save it. We can call it AvP 3.

1 out of 5.

Aliens vs. Predator – Requiem isn’t a movie for fans of the original Aliens or Predator series. It isn’t even a movie for fans of the science fiction or horror genres. AvP-R isn’t a movie for fans of good movies. It’s just a really bad movie.

The Strause brothers want to be called “The Brothers Strause,” but until they do anything of value, I’ll spare you their pretentious moniker. Colin and Greg have openly admitted that they’re fans of the original series, especially Ridley Scott’s Alien. They’ve heralded the return of the aliens we all remember from those classics of sci-fi cinema. So for them to completely miss the point of those movies on their directorial debut is not only disappointing, but it’s embarrassing.

The last Alien vs. Predator was such an abomination they should have distanced themselves from that project, not kick this one off with the “predalien” hybrid that had me rolling my eyes so far I think I pulled something. Plus they took the fight back to Earth, where it wasn’t welcomed the first time.

But it’s just one predator fighting the aliens. Aliens versus predator. Singular. And there’s no reason why the predator needed to show up. He watches a video, grabs his signature helmet, and jets off to the little Colorado town. To do what though? The predator seems content with tracking the aliens and pouring glow-in-the-dark blue gunk on all the bodies, not fighting anything in particular. I guess it would have been silly to have the predator take off his mask and explain what the hell is going on. We wouldn’t want anything ridiculous like that to ruin this gem.

The Strauses and producers did get one thing right this time. They brought back the R rating. But they were so eager to establish early on that this was violent and edgy, they took it too far in the other direction. The aliens and predator had no qualms about tearing through women and children, while rarely turning their attention to each other.

Meanwhile we’re treated to a love triangle between an unnamed pizza delivery boy, a random blonde hot chick, and a cliche jock. I understand you can’t fill a movie with aliens and predators killing things (why not, might make for a better film), but spare us teenage drama 101. Or at least develop one character, so we have someone to root for other than what’s lurking outside this conveniently darkened town.

 

Some idea of who these people are and what is going on might have lent to a little suspense. Maybe even a few legitimate scares. I was actually nodding off during a few parts. I’ve been more scared getting up and stumbling through the dark to take a dump. Next time I’ll save it. We can call it AvP 3. 1 out of 5.

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