Reviewed by:
Rating:
1
On June 15, 2007
Last modified:October 5, 2017

Summary:

DOA was even worse than I expected. I can’t count how many times I laughed and said aloud, “What the hell?” A great movie to give the old “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ treatment, but not much else. Don’t even bother with a rental.
I give it one bikini boob close up out of five.

After being delayed for over a year in the United States, DOA: Dead or Alive was actually released in theaters. Something I never thought I would see, since it has direct-to-DVD written all over it.

Following in the footsteps of such gems as Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, DOA is an adaptation of a popular video game fighting series. Fighters from around the world are summoned to an island for an intense fighting competition. But don’t worry, they all magically speak perfect English.

If you’re a young boy just discovering that cooties aren’t so bad, then DOA is for you. Otherwise, find something anything else to do. It’s not worth the torture

There’s plenty of eye candy in this movie to distract drooling men though. The four female characters are all amazing. So hot, in fact, that they randomly break into bikini volleyball, a scene for fans of scantily clad ladies and the spin-off game “Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball.” Imagine the Top Gun scene with female models.

When a bra hovered in the air while one sexy star fought a room of attackers, I knew I was in for something especially terrible.

Rather than lose its entire audience, however, the movie is rated PG-13 and merely teases nudity and real violence, the only thing that could possibly redeem this abomination. If you really must see an arena death match movie, then check out Bloodsport or Battle Royale. The latter is in Japanese (until the remake in 2008), but is a perfect example of what this movie could have been.

I know I should turn my brain off and enjoy the campy style, but the wooden acting belongs in a high school drama class, not in a summer wide release. Even the non-stop fight choreography is ridiculous and felt like it should be performed by ninja turtles.

Slow-motion fight sequence. Corny joke. Close up of boobs or ass. Repeat. The rest of the shots were ripoffs of superior martial arts movies like Hero, Fearless, or Crouching Tiger.

DOA was even worse than I expected. I can’t count how many times I laughed and said aloud, “What the hell?” A great movie to give the old “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ treatment, but not much else. Don’t even bother with a rental. I give it one bikini boob close up out of five.

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