From Errol Flynn to animated foxes, Connery to Costner, the tale of Robin Hood has been done and overdone a hundred times, often striking the target or even splitting prior re-tellings.
Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood is an unnecessary entry to the lore, going to great lengths to uncover the man behind the myth by ignoring much of the beloved legend that has endured for centuries. Masquerading behind a traditional title, this contemporary remake robs from a rich history and gives only a poor origin story in return.
Brian Helgeland’s tedious screenplay begins with pages of parchment (burned along the edges, of course) establishing the year as 1199 and starting a stream of lengthy exposition that winds its way through a talky 140 minutes. It’s few action sequences are mere interruptions in a stretch of speeches and proclamations as the once heroic tale is mired in the minutiae of politics and unlawful taxation.
Russell Crowe plays Robin Longstride, a brooding “common archer” and intensely serious soldier in King Richard the Lionheart’s (Danny Huston) army. Returning home after a grueling crusade, the force stops to sack a French castle only for a cook to score a lucky shot on the monarch. Longstride and company aren’t particularly allegiant and seize the opportunity to scatter into the forest. An ambush on a group of knights becomes a fortunate event for Robin and his dissenters who return to England as heroes with stolen identities.
Robin’s companions (Kevin Durand, Scott Grimes, Alan Doyle) are a lively bunch, but their merriment feels out of place in a dull slosh through treasonous meetings between the French and their spy or the pompous petulance of King John. What’s worse is Robin’s contrived reasons for returning to Nottingham, assuming the name Loxley, and meeting Lady Marian (Cate Blanchett). 
Crowe and Blanchett trade a bit of wordy banter, going through the motions in a half-asleep trudge towards the inevitable romance.
Instructed by the French to foster a mutiny, English turncoat Godfrey (Mark Strong) glowers here and there, picking up a nasty scar to appear extra sinister. He certainly looks the part of an antagonist, but that may just be typecasting. However, blink and you’ll miss the Sheriff of Nottingham (Matthew Macfadyen), originally the focus on this fifth Crowe/Scott collaboration. (Such a shame, because that seemed like a unique vision.)
Realistic (expensive) production values lend a level of authenticity to this grounded take, while the action sequences are artificial and noticeably PG-13. Scott utilizes the same gritty, slow motion techniques as the epic Braveheart or his own Gladiator, but the characters may as well be swinging foam swords amidst the obvious lack of bloodshed.
Robin Hood becomes especially absurd when the script posits the archer’s involvement in the Magna Carta (through a tiresome speech, of course) and a pack of ponies carries mere boys into battle. These unintentional laughs are the only glimpses of amusement in a grueling tale filled with the dull details of English history, not the legend of merry men.
2 out of 5.
