Universal Developing Live-Action Barbie Movie

Published by Jeff Leins on: September 24th, 2009

Universal Pictures has acquired the movie rights to Mattel’s Barbie toy line and is developing a live-action family film.  This is the first feature for the disproportionate doll, though Barbie has appeared in 16 animated, direct-to-DVD movies for Universal.

Attention immediately turns to who can possibly play this character.  Anna Faris has been suggested, but she’s already gone the vapid route with a Playboy movie.  Plus she’s not the friendliest of family actresses.  Believe it or not, it’ll probably end up being Taylor Swift.  She has the lifeless eyes.

This bad idea belongs in the dumpster behind the Malibu Dream House.  Universal is the same studio working with Hasbro to bring six different board games to the screen.  Soon their entire slate is going to consist of toy adaptations, like some sort of expensive collect ‘em all game.

I hope the movie has some of the controversial favorites from history.  Like 1956’s “Slumber Party Barbie that came with a weight loss book that said, “Don’t eat.”  Or 1992’s “Teen Talk Barbie” who said things like “Math class is tough!”  This year the company released tattoos for Barbie, including a lower back tramp stamp that says “Ken.”

What’s even creepier is how the executives discuss Barbie like that thing a real person.  “So many representations of Barbie frequent pop culture, but never before has she been brought to life in a motion picture,” Universal Pictures chairman Marc Shmuger told Variety.  I think you mean “it,” sir.  It’s a plastic doll that I’ve drop-kicked more than once.

Then there’s Mattel senior VP Richard Dickson who said, “There are a lot of ways we are already communicating with Barbie’s audience, and there is a richness to the brand as an entertainment property.” It sounds like Barbie is running the company.

The toy is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year and it currently reigns as the top doll in the U.S.  Mattel claims it has 99% worldwide brand awareness.  That can’t possibly be true.  Only 1% of the world doesn’t know who Barbie is?  Are these people waving Barbie at infants in the delivery room?  Well, let’s all cross our fingers this movie helps Mattel reach that lofty goal of total market saturation.