Bedtime Stories Review

Published by Jeff Leins on: December 30th, 2008

Just like telling stories at bedtime is strictly for children, so is the movie.  The PG-rated Bedtime Stories is tailored only for the younger audience and provides little enjoyment for their adult accompaniment.

The Disney holiday release is a cookie cutter kid flick with a watered-down version of funnyman Adam Sandler.  Now a father himself, he seems to have abandoned his unpolished persona and crude sense of humor for a family-friendly comedy his children can mildly enjoy.  Once an “SNL” star and comedy genius, Sandler isn’t particularly funny in this movie.  He attempts silly faces and goofy voices, but they’re mostly just yawn-inducing.  Actually, Sandler’s character is sort of a selfish jerk for a better part of the story, so he isn’t much fun for anyone.

The laughter comes from his hotel sidekick, played by a wacky Russell Brand, who adults might recognize as the British pop star in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  (By the way, infinitely funnier movie.)

Skeeter Bronson (Sandler) is the son of a hotel owner who sold away his rights to the family business with the promise that one day his boy would run the show.  But after his father’s death the greedy developer places Skeeter on maintenance duties, where Bronson waits for the opportunity to prove himself over the rival brown-noser, Kendall (Guy Pearce).

When his single mom sister leaves town on business, Skeeter is saddled with babysitting the children.  All out of ideas, Skeeter channels his father’s ability to tell great bedtime stories.  And then, boys and girls, the movie turns really lame.

With the help of his British comic foil, Skeeter tells the children stories about gladiators, aliens, knights, and cowboys.  While these ideas themselves aren’t very imaginative, they are a welcome diversion from the predictable hotel power struggle.  Along the way, the children inject their own imagination into the tales, including romantic encounters, damsels in distress, an epic duel, and raining gumballs.  Strangely, these additions start to happen to Skeeter in real life.  The crazy incidents are simply modern reenactments of what the story just showed, but they should be fun for the preteens.  At the very least they give the audience the tiny satisfaction of “Oh, yeah.  Hey, I guess I remember that from the story five minutes ago…  Neat-o.”

A reoccurring bit about the kids’ bug-eyed guinea pig, Bugsy, wears pretty thin after the thirty seventh reference.  Even children might roll their eyes at yet another joke that cuts to the creepy pet in a desperate attempt for giggles.

But perhaps the worst part of the movie is the uncomfortable embarrassment I felt for Guy Pearce, an accomplished actor going for sight gags in an over-the-top villainous fashion that is complete with a little singing, dancing number.  Why, Guy, why?

After a forced story by Skeeter to tempt the magical fates, Brand’s frazzled character exclaims, “Where’s the arc?  There’s no arc!  We haven’t learned anything!  You’ve got a moral obligation to them.  What are they going to walk away from that with?”  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

There’s no moral to this story.  Unless waiting for a fairy tale to materialize is a sound lesson for children.  Instead, everything works out in Skeeter’s life based on chance, not because he was the right guy for the job or the woman.  So kids, when things aren’t going the way you planned, just wait for magic to make it all better!  Shame on you, Disney.

Bedtime Stories is an even further departure for the already family-friendly Adam Sandler.  It is a tale you probably won’t enjoy unless you’re young enough to be tucked in after it’s over.

2 out of 5.