The Forbidden Kingdom is an average-level fantasy kung fu movie sold as the epic pairing of two legendary fighters. But there’s nothing fantastic about it, nor is the much-talked-about teaming worth sitting through the rest of the safe tedium.
The single fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li is far from impressive and done with the same wire techniques that plague the rest of the movie. It was choreographed by Woo-Ping Yuen, the martial arts master behind Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Kill Bill, so high-flying acrobatics take center arena over the superior skills these two have shown in the past. If you want to see two grown men glide around like Peter Pan then you’re in luck. If you want to see a serious showdown, you’ll be as disappointed as I was.
The confrontation features plenty of furious fists, but also super jumps and impossible moves made possible by hidden harnesses. It’s more what it would be like if Chan and Li faced off in zero gravity rather than slugging it out in the real world.
Which is the problem with the rest of the movie: it’s a fantasy play land for kids. It’s so in love with its overdone ancient Chinese fantasy plot that it wanders in and out of endless exposition. Through numerous “legend has it…” flashbacks, we’re asked to labor through every second of the prophecy.
It’s unfortunate this long-awaited pairing is dropped unceremoniously into a kid-friendly fantasy, rather than the traditional kung fu face-off these two legendary fighters deserve. At times it’s hokey and the constant grinning by Chan and Li becomes more depressing than comical. When Jet Li urinates on Jackie Chan (and he does), you’ll wish they had waited for a real martial arts movie.
The star of the movie isn’t even one of these two. Instead it’s an angsty teenager named Jason, played by the poor man’s Shia LaBeouf (Michael Angarano). But where the kid from Transformers and Indy 4 has charisma, this one is just generic enough to be replaced regularly by a stuntman.
When Jason flees from an antique store and a pack of bullies, a magical golden staff transports him to an ancient feudal version of China if immortality and special powers existed. Oh, and just about everyone spoke English.
Though I could have used subtitles a few times during some of the Chan/Li dialogue.
The not-so-forbidden kingdom is ruled by the Jade Warlord, a fu-man-chu enthusiast and ruthless leader. In a legendary battle, he tricks and ultimately imprisons the Monkey King in stone, who can only be released from the curse by his golden staff.
Once Jason lands in the land of over-explanation, he meets a perpetually drunk Lu Yan (Chan) who accompanies him on his quest. He also teaches him all about the prophecy Jason is supposed to fulfill. Jet Li shows up shortly thereafter as a silent, white-robed monk to fight Lu Yan and then immediately befriend him.
Together, the two teach whitey how to fight in what seems like a few minutes. A clumsy New York kid is transformed into a hardened kung fu master through the power of montage.
Also along for the ride are two beautiful Asian ladies on either sides of the war. Good girl archer bent on revenge, Golden Sparrow (Yifei Liu), and white-haired Mortal Kombat villain Ni Chang (Bingbing Li). Of the two, I have to say the latter is hotter. Plus what’s not to love about a woman named Bingbing.
There’s plenty to hate about The Forbidden Kingdom though. If you’ve always wanted to bring your grandmother to a kung fu movie, here’s your chance.
2 out of 5.
