Hasbro, Universal to Make Board Game Movies

Published by Jeff Leins on: February 21st, 2008

Universal and Hasbro are teaming up in a six-year partnership to create at least four films based on popular board games and toys.

Possible movies unfortunately headed our way are Monopoly, Candy Land, Clue, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: the Gathering and Stretch Armstrong. They plan to release the first in 2010 or 2011, with one a year after that, according to HR.

Back in August we all had a good laugh at the idea of Gladiator director Ridley Scott lensing a Monopoly movie. But no one actually thought it would happen. Now it’s a distinct and frightening possibility. Scott even talked about the project recently with Empire:

“It underscores the mean side of people. Monopoly changes people, the nicest person becomes a monster — as soon as they buy Park Lane, that’s it, they’ve all changed. I’m trying to figure out what tone of comedy it could be. It could be a really big film.”

Park Lane? Those crazy Brits. The only drama that comes from playing Monopoly is when someone starts losing and they tip the board over in a fit of rage. Or someone throws a tiny hotel across the room. Here’s my pitch. Two people fight over who gets to be the shoe. A brawl ensues. Movie over in five minutes. I think that would save us all the excitement of watching someone pass “Go.”

David Berenbaum (Elf, Spiderwick Chronicles) has been hired to write a script for Ouija with Michael Bay producing.

Magic: The Gathering is D&D on playing cards, so if that becomes a movie it’ll almost be a rehash of one of the worst fantasy movies ever made.

Stretch Armstrong was an awful toy and should make an even worse movie. Imagine an entire movie centered on the most boring character in the Fantastic Four. Now imagine him only wearing briefs. That’s your terrible movie.

The worst of all is this quote from the article. Universal and Hasbro said they were unconcerned that a 1985 “Clue” film disappointed at the boxoffice. “Because Clue was once done badly, the right way of doing Clue would be fantastic,” Universal chair Marc Shmuger said.

Badly?! That was the best movie that could possibly have been made from a board game. “I am your singing telegram” followed by a gunshot still makes me laugh.

You can’t see me right now, but I’m throwing my hands up in defeat.

Another reason to dislike Transformers for me. If that movie hadn’t been so successful, we wouldn’t be seeing a G.I. Joe trilogy or You Sunk My Battleship. Shame on all of you Michael Bay fans.